Yo fam, listen up – MaClean’s just yeeted their 2025 Rich List issue into the world like a double-double on a Tuesday morning.
The whole ting was just pure dickriding, no cap. Not a single chirp about any of these hosers. Just straight glazing over their Scrooge McDuck money vaults like they’re out here doing holy work instead of hoarding loonies and twonies.
So picture this, right? What if there was a magazine called ManClean’s – and I’m talking about a REAL beauty of a publication, not some bootleg knockoff – that actually had the stones to call out these bougie mans for their absolute greaseball behaviour? Like, imagine if someone actually had the audacity to be like “yo, maybe we should roast these wealth-hoarding goons instead of treating them like they’re Wendel Clark scoring in overtime at the Gardens.”
I’m betting that list would slap different, know what I’m sayin’? It’d probably look a little something like this, and I’m not even buggin’…
1. Changpeng Zhao — $91.3B
YO. This man right here? CZ got more bread than a St. Lawrence Market bakery on a Sunday morning, and he stacked it all playing with fake internet money while the rest of us were still figuring out if Bitcoin was a scam or the future. Buddy speed-ran capitalism like he had the Konami code tattooed on his wrist, then dipped from the Canadian storyline faster than a Leafs playoff exit the SECOND his bag went global. But don’t get it twisted – man still throws “proud Canadian roots” into his LinkedIn bio when it’s tax season or when he needs that multicultural flex for the cameras. Peak diaspora cosplay, I’m telling you. With $91.3 BILLION – that’s not even Monopoly money anymore, that’s like GDP of a small nation type figures – homie could literally build fully subsidized, solar-paneled, smart-home housing from Peel Region all the way to Prince George and STILL have enough left over to buy everyone in Vancouver a decent lunch. But nah, instead he’s out here gambling on blockchain projects for tech bros who unironically think taxation is communism and that the government is just one big group project they didn’t sign up for. Man’s got enough capital to solve actual problems but he’s too busy making sure Reddit finance nerds can buy JPEGs of cartoon apes. Wasteman behaviour, elite tier.
2. Thomson Family — $90.2B
Ahhh yes, the Thomsons. Old money so old it probably smells like leather-bound books and generational trauma. This whole bloodline been flexing inherited capital since before Tim Hortons even knew what a double-double was. They control half the newspapers in this country – I’m talking Reuters, Globe and Mail, the whole media empire ting – and STILL never front-page the housing crisis unless they can spin it to blame zoning laws, NIMBYs, or literally anyone except billionaires hoarding land like it’s the last box of Timbits at 9pm. These mans could fund co-ops, public housing, or community land trusts from coast to coast to coast without even selling ONE of their yachts. Probably got yachts they forgot they even own, sitting in some marina collecting barnacles and vibes. But instead? They just shrug, raise subscription fees on the news, and keep the empire running on headlines with zero headway on homes. They’ll write about the housing crisis, they’ll editorialize about it, they’ll host panels – but building actual solutions? Nah fam, that’s not the vibe. Empire built on ink and influence but wouldn’t drop a dime to help someone sleep indoors. Generational hoarding at its finest.
3. Galen Weston Jr. — $20.6B
GALEN. WESTON. JUNIOR. This man out here doing PR photoshoots talking bout “we support Canadian families” while a loaf of bread got more markup than a Shopify storefront selling press-on nails and manifesting journals. Bro really got grocery margins on legendary difficulty mode – how are we out here paying luxury tax just to make a PB&J? Mans acting like peanut butter is imported from Narnia. The Loblaws parking lots alone – JUST THE PARKING LOTS – could be converted into affordable mid-rise housing with ground-floor retail and Galen would STILL have Superstore profits left over to gold-plate his entire existence. But nah, the vibes are absolutely rancid. Bologna at $8.99, rent at $2,400 for a bachelor with a hotplate, and this man out here on CBC like “we hear Canadians’ concerns.” HEAR THEM? BRO YOU’RE THE REASON THEY’RE YELLING. Peak supervillain energy but make it cardigan-casual. Man could fix half the crisis with a single quarterly earnings cheque but instead we get price-fixing scandals and a gift card apology. Unserious behaviour.
4. Tobias Lütke — $19.1B
Tobias out here talking bout “innovation” and “the future of commerce” while coding Shopify to power every Etsy side-hustle from here to Timbuktu, but somehow – SOMEHOW – hasn’t hustled up a single solution for the six people living in a Scarborough basement sharing one bathroom and a dream. Man revolutionized e-commerce, helped small businesses go global, but the only futures getting secured are venture fund portfolios and his crypto-skeptic TED Talk circuit runs. This dude could bankroll modular housing startups like it’s a hackathon prize pool. Literally throw some cash at it, get the best engineers in the country on it, and we’d have affordable, sustainable, rapidly deployable housing in like 18 months. But instead we get Twitter threads about “work-life balance” from a man with acreage in cottage country. ACREAGE. Meanwhile people are stacking bunk beds in Brampton like it’s a university dorm but permanent. Peak bootstrap energy from someone who was born on a trampoline, fully secured, telling everyone else to “just jump higher.” Wasteman rhetoric, PhD level.
5. Joseph Tsai — $18.5B
Joe Tsai out here owning half of every professional sports franchise with a pulse – Nets, Lacrosse teams, you name it – man collects teams like Pokémon cards. But somehow, SOMEHOW, can’t drop even a fraction of that bag into Canadian housing despite being one of our richest exports. Man’s got money running cross-border smoother than a Tim Hortons drive-thru, but doing ZERO for folks literally sleeping outside the stadiums he owns. The irony is palpable, fam. You’re charging $18 for a beer inside while someone’s setting up a tent outside in February. Broski could fund community housing that doubles as youth sports hubs – like imagine that synergy: affordable homes WITH basketball courts, soccer fields, mentorship programs. The blueprint writes itself. But nah, he’d rather flex net worth like it’s fantasy league stats and call it a day. Ownership mentality stops at franchises, not communities. Man owns the building but won’t house the people. Tragic.
6. David Cheriton — $16.3B
David Cheriton cashed out GOOGLE-LEVEL bread back in the day and then dipped into billionaire obscurity like he unlocked the “low-profile wealthy academic” achievement and retired the character. Mans got generational guap off Silicon Valley vibes, early investor energy, the whole ting – but not even a WHISPER about dropping some stacks on affordable housing for Canadians still bussing three TTC transfers in the rain just to get to work. It’s like he sees the housing crisis, fully understands it on an intellectual level, and just says “not my simulation, fam” and goes back to whatever billionaires do when they’re being quiet. Philanthropy? Never heard of her. If charity starts at home, this dude needs to find the GPS because he is LOST. Man could quietly change lives without even making headlines but instead he’s out here living like a digital ghost. Wealth without responsibility, the academic edition.
7. Irving Family — $15.8B
Oh lord, the Irvings. This whole dynasty moves like East Coast oil barons running a Monopoly board, except instead of building houses they just build reasons to raise prices on literally everything. They hold down Atlantic Canada like it’s a company town DLC pack – refineries, media, forestry, gas stations, shipyards – everything except actual shelter for real humans trying to live there. Imagine having an ENTIRE REGION in a headlock and still saying “nah, building affordable homes isn’t on brand for us.” PROPER villain arc behaviour. Like they control the economy, the narrative, AND the resources but somehow affordable housing didn’t make the business plan? These mans could transform the Maritimes into a model for sustainable community living but instead they’re out here consolidating power like it’s a side quest. Generational monopoly but make it Maritime. Unreal.
8. McCain Family — $13.9B
The McCains turned POTATOES into a global operations chain, feeding the world frozen fries and potato products, but somehow can’t mash together a plan to keep Canadian families out of the cold? The irony is dystopian, bro. It’s like Black Mirror but with gravy. Billionaires off french fries while people freeze – make it make sense. You’d think with all that freezer infrastructure, supply chain mastery, and agricultural land, they could at least whip up some affordable prefab housing or partner with the government on modular builds. But nah, just vibes, waffle fries, and quarterly earnings. Man’s feeding the planet but won’t house the country. It’s giving “let them eat fries” energy and I’m not here for it.
9. Ling Tang — $13.7B
Ling Tang moves QUIET. Like crypto whale before a market dip type quiet. Stealth wealth on maximum, no interviews, no headlines, just numbers going up. Respect the low-key flex, honestly, but the philanthropy scoreboard still showing zeros like a failed PIN entry at the ATM. With that level of bag, homie could fund entire urban renewals, transit-linked housing developments, maybe even fix Etobicoke transit so people don’t need three buses and a prayer just to get downtown. Instead it’s all wealth accumulation for the ultra-rich grindset, LinkedIn motivation quote come to life. Silent but deadly – and not in a good way for the rest of us.
10. Desmarais Family — $12.7B
The Desmarais family is OLD MONEY. Like not just old, ANCIENT. Boardrooms, policy influence, banking ties, the whole infrastructure of soft power. They’re basically Canada’s final boss lobbyists, moving pieces behind the curtain like Parliament is a chess match and they got the strategy guide. Power Nine energy but make it boring and systemic. But somehow, SOMEHOW, after all that proximity to power, all that access, all those backroom deals and quiet dinners with people who matter, they STILL haven’t spawned a single major housing project to help the mandem? Waste of influence, bruv. Absolute waste. They could whisper in the right ears and get legislation passed, funding unlocked, pilot programs launched – but nah, they’re too busy playing 4D chess while people can’t even afford the board. Pointless side-quests for a family with main-quest capabilities.
11. Jim Pattison — $11.9B
Jim Pattison is the B.C. business titan with companies in every aisle of every store – mans like Canadian Bezos but on Chill Mode. Grocery, media, automotive, entertainment – buddy collects industries like Pokémon cards, gotta catch em all vibes. But somehow, SOMEHOW, he forgets that housing is literally the basic starter pack of human existence. Like you got all these business ventures but none of them involve giving people a place to live? With that type of empire he could build whole eco-towns, sustainable communities, transit-oriented developments – instead he’s out here stacking paper like Jenga hoping nobody asks questions or bumps the table. Business legend, civic ghost.
12. Rogers Family — $11.9B
Ah yes, the Rogers family. Cell service dead zones, internet outages, and now they ghost on housing too – this is PEAK Canadian corporatism, condensed into one dynasty. These mans dropped $20 MILLION on the Skydome naming rights beef (it’s the Rogers Centre now, thanks I hate it) but not a LICK towards real estate for the people paying $200/month just to watch buffering sports streams. They got condos in Toronto cost-gating entire neighbourhoods, pricing out families, but no movement to build something affordable unless it also somehow raises phone bills. Clown behaviour. Full circus. Man could connect communities with housing AND infrastructure but instead we get another price hike and a “sorry for the inconvenience” email. Unserious.
13. Richardson Family — $10.3B
Agriculture moguls moving wheat across the Prairies but leaving folks with no bread – the irony is dripping like poutine gravy on a late-night snack run. Deep roots in Saskatchewan and Manitoba, generational farm wealth, the whole heartland aesthetic – but zero large-scale housing initiatives to help rural or northern communities where the crisis is boiling over. Imagine having all that land, all that agricultural infrastructure, all that generational know-how about building communities around resources, and not planting even ONE subdivision’s worth of affordable homes. Baffling. Like you literally grow food but won’t grow housing? The math ain’t mathing.
14. Bruce Flatt — $9.9B
Bruce Flatt. CEO of Brookfield Asset Management. AKA the Thanos of global property portfolios. This man’s entire business model is buying up housing stock worldwide and squeezing rent out of it like juice from a dusty lime someone found under the couch. He could fix affordability overnight. OVERNIGHT. But why patch the boat when you profit from the leaks? Man’s out here making money off the crisis itself. If late-stage capitalism needed a poster boy, bruv is already posing for the photo, professional headshot and everything. Rent goes up, profits go up, and he sleeps fine at night. Villainous.
15. Alain Bouchard — $9.8B
Alain Bouchard owns enough gas stations and convenience stores to refuel a mid-sized invasion, Couche-Tard empire spanning continents – but when it comes to housing? That’s like asking your corner store guy to build Buckingham Palace. Ain’t happening, still. Proper global bag though, gotta give credit where it’s due. Man went international faster than Drake switching accents on a track. Built an empire on Slurpees and overpriced chips, but affordable housing didn’t make the expansion plan. Opportunity missed.
16. Apostolopoulos Family — $9.6B
The Apostolopoulos family got an empire built on construction and real estate, but where’s the moral blueprint? These mans literally BUILD THINGS for a living – they got land leverage, development power, contractor connections, the whole supply chain – yet they invest more in luxury towers than public housing or co-ops. Could be building homes for PEOPLE not just profits, but they choose the latter every time. Massive opportunity, muted action. Legacy real estate moguls, sure, but not legacy changers. They’ll build the condo, just not the one you can afford.
17. Peter Gilgan — $9.3B
Peter Gilgan runs Mattamy Homes, building houses non-stop – man’s like the Energizer Bunny of suburban sprawl. But most of them are designer-market houses, granite countertops and double garages, not the kind of affordable units that actually solve a crisis. He’s got the blueprint, the capital, the teams, the whole infrastructure to go MASSIVE on community housing. It’s not even a question of “if” — it’s a question of “why not?” But instead his empire cashes out on status, not sustainability. Building homes for many? Nah. Building homes for SOME? Absolute W for shareholders, L for everyone else.
18. Stuart Hoegner — $9.3B
Crypto-lawyer turned billionaire, Stuart minted digital money like he had the printer in his basement. Man’s got CAPITAL, and with that he could fund tech-enabled affordable housing – modular builds, co-op models, micro-units with smart infrastructure – but instead he’s stuck in the token-game, not the real-estate game. Blockchain up his sleeve but no bricks in his blueprint for Toronto or Canada’s housing issues. Man could disrupt housing the way crypto disrupted finance, but nah, he’d rather argue about Tether reserves on Twitter. Missed opportunity of the century.
19. Garrett Camp — $9.2B
GARRETT. CAMP. Fam literally helped rewrite urban transport by turning random Civics into taxis with an app, revolutionized how we move through cities – but somehow said “housing? nah that’s above my pay grade” despite being a BILLIONAIRE. Man moved cities more than an Airbnb operator dodging rental bylaws. Real talk, imagine if he built housing the way he launched ride-sharing. Everyone pulls up like “yo I got a spare room, 5-star rating, verified ID, no pets.” Could’ve been revolutionary. Affordable housing as a service. But nah, we got surge pricing on rides instead of solutions for roofs. Tragic.
20. Zekelman Family — $9B
Industrial steel giants with SERIOUS manufacturing muscle – these are the folks who literally make the beams holding up North American buildings. If ANYONE on this list has the materials, supply-chain pull, and infrastructure capacity to build affordable housing at scale, it’s them. But instead of mass-producing steel-frame housing kits, modular builds, or partnering with cities for fast-deploy social housing, the empire stays focused on industrial supply and corporate infrastructure. They’re helping build the world – just not the parts where ordinary people can afford to live. Huge potential, zero visible push toward affordability. The tools are there, the mission isn’t. It’s like having a hammer and refusing to build anything useful.
21. Saputo Family — $8.9B
The lactose monarchy continues. Cheddar making cheddar, generational style, whole empire built on dairy products – and honestly, respect the hustle. But while they’re whipping up billions off mozzarella margins, not a single affordable housing complex turns up. Man could fund social housing just off cheese slices, but instead the only thing being lifted is grocery prices, fam. Real dairy dons, zero civic drip. Streets lined with milk but not homes. Ironic and sad.
22. Richard Li — $8.5B
International money mans with assets stretching further than a Canadian winter. But housing? Man’s portfolio got more offshore addresses than local postcodes. Community investment looking ghosted, still. Platinum-tier wealth, local impact on airplane mode. Man’s connected globally but disconnected locally. Classic international billionaire syndrome – everywhere and nowhere at once.
23. Dennis “Chip” Wilson — $8.3B
Chip Wilson made leggings so spiritual that Vancouver turned into a whole athleisure religion – everyone moving like their chakras come pre-aligned with their morning matcha. Built Lululemon into a global empire, turned yoga pants into a lifestyle. But housing? Man bought up Vancouver neighbourhoods while residents out here bidding on crawlspaces for $2,400 a month. Villain arc in a fleece vest but make it wellness-inspired. Zero affordable units, maximum Namaste energy. Peak gentrification but with mindfulness workshops attached. Mans priced out entire communities then sold them the yoga mat to cope.
24. Leonid Boguslavsky — $8.2B
Global venture capital mans with a portfolio longer than winter in Nunavut. If innovation actually built homes, we’d all have penthouses by now. Invested in every tech startup with a pitch deck and a dream. But nah, the only thing scaling is his equity. Housing stuck on closed beta, never launching. Big disruption energy, zero community updates. Man’s funding the future but forgot people need a place to sleep in the present.
25. Stephen Smith — $8B
Mortgage boss man, basically printing cash off interest payments like it’s a normal Tuesday. Bro PROFITS when homes cost more – there’s zero incentive to calm the market when the chaos pays dividends. Could refinance entire neighbourhoods into affordability, restructure loans, pioneer new models – but capitalism said “hold my beer.” Real estate bag secured, public good benched. Man makes money off the crisis, why would he solve it? Systemic villain behaviour.
26. Anthony von Mandl — $7.9B
Summer drink warlord who turned seltzer into a cultural moment. White Claw, Mike’s Hard, the whole wave – man owns the patio season. But while everyone’s getting waved on docks and rooftops, buddy ain’t building flats for the people squeezing the cans. Imagine affordable housing complexes with rooftop patios sponsored by White Claw – peak utopia, honestly. But nah, carbonation strong, community impact flat. Man hydrates the nation but won’t house it.
27. Gaglardi Family — $7.4B
These lot run a hospitality empire – restaurants, hotels, ski resorts, basically a monopoly on vibes, long weekends, and overpriced chicken wings. Real estate plays across the country, major pull in tourism corridors where housing gets chewed up for short-term rentals and seasonal staff gets left scrambling for places to live. If they really wanted to help, they could flip a fraction of their land and development muscle into year-round workforce housing or subsidized units for the communities that keep their businesses running. But instead it’s corporate chalet season 24/7 while locals are bussing two hours to clock in for minimum wage. Plenty of assets, zero movement for the mandem who actually live there. Profit off the place, don’t invest in the people – classic move.
28. Daryl Katz — $7.4B
Owns pharmacies and a hockey franchise – man patched up dry skin and power plays but not the rental market. Public funds got used to build Rogers Place in Edmonton while families can’t even subsidize their rent. Make it make sense. The city could’ve been a model for affordable housing, transit-linked development, community investment. Instead the Oilers got new lockers and the people got gentrification. Civic priorities doing the electric slide straight into inequity.
29. Jeff Skoll — $7.3B
One of the more socially conscious billionaires on the list, to be fair. Man stays funding documentaries that expose the world’s problems – climate change, inequality, injustice, the whole range. But even with all that activist energy, no flagship Canadian housing miracle dropped yet. Buddy raises awareness like a global amplifier, Sundance vibes on lock – but structural solutions staying un-deployed. It’s like he’ll tell you ABOUT the problem in 4K but won’t build the actual fix. Awareness without action is just expensive sympathy.
30. Ryan Cohen — $7B
Meme-stock messiah, internet cult leader, diamond-hands heritage. GME and Bed Bath legends still praying in his mentions. If he applied that chaos energy to the housing crisis, we’d have rent-controlled cyberpunk smart cities by now, fully funded by Redditors. But man invests in markets, not municipalities. The only homes he’s building are in bag-holder hearts. Coulda been a legend in housing, ended up a meme in stocks. Chose volatility over utility.
31. Mark Scheinberg — $7B
Started by rinsing the internet poker scene like a Vegas villain in the early 2000s, now living that offshore billionaire lifestyle in full privacy mode. You’d think after taking everyone’s chips he’d ante up some affordable housing as karmic rebalancing, but man folded on that mission instantly. RNG did not bless the low-income housing questline. He’s playing private-island mode while Canadians playing survival mode. Poker face strong, community care weak.
32. Mark Leonard and Family — $6.5B
Nerd-king billionaire running Constellation Software, acquiring niche tech companies like Infinity Stones. Brilliant strategy, ruthless execution – but software consolidation doesn’t translate to affordable condos, innit. Could code a housing algorithm that matches tenants safely, builds communities digitally, optimizes affordability at scale – instead he’s optimizing profits per line of code. Community patch not included in the update. Tech genius, civic ghost.
33. Carlo Fidani — $6.1B
Carlo pulled up like “I own half of Mississauga, innit?” and everyone just nodded because who’s tryna argue with a man who basically prints commercial real estate. Man’s portfolio looking absolutely HENCH, skyscrapers flexing like they’re in Burberry tracksuits. Streets saying with that kinda capital he coulda turned the GTA into a housing utopia – mixed-income communities, transit-oriented developments, the works. But instead we got another office park and a Cactus Club. Sauga could’ve been a model city, now it’s just sprawl with a heartbeat.
34. Michael Latifi — $6.1B
Chicken nuggets and racing royalty – funding McLaren F1 and taking up half the grocery aisle with frozen food. Could remix that supply chain energy into public housing logistics, modular builds, food-secure communities – but nah, Formula 1 sponsorships slap harder than zoning reform. Housing crisis stuck in the pits, engine off, no pit crew coming. Billionaire laps complete, citizens blue-flagged and forgotten. Man’s son drives in circles at 200mph while families drive in circles looking for affordable rent.
35. Sobey Family — $5.5B
Runs grocery stores coast-to-coast, feeding the nation but pockets staying heavier than grocery carts at checkout. They got the land, the logistics, the infrastructure – if they converted even a fraction of their parking lots into mixed-use housing, we’d have communities for DAYS. But instead they’re leveling up profits while people budget like it’s Hunger Games. Shelves full, land empty, vibes absolutely cursed. Could feed AND house people, chooses just the profitable one.
36. Murray Edwards — $5.4B
Energy boss with a side hustle running the Calgary Flames – man extracts crude oil and civic patience in equal measure. Could’ve used that energy money for green affordable housing projects, climate-conscious developments, renewable-powered communities – revolutionary stuff, honestly. But instead the bag stays fossil-fueled and residents stay rent-burdened. Flames win games, citizens lose in overtime every month when rent’s due. Billionaire in the box seats while families in the nosebleeds of life.
37. Lalji Family — $5B
Real estate dynasties be real estate dynastying – housing prices rise like bread dough in midsummer, inevitable and unstoppable. Own developments, parking lots, the whole supply chain of space itself. Could prioritize affordability, mixed-income housing, community-first development – but capitalism whispers “luxury units only” and they listen every time. Long-term holdings, short-term compassion. Generational wealth, zero generational thinking.
38. Jean Coutu and Family — $4.9B
Quebec’s prescription plug, stacking generational pharmacy money since day. Got a Coutu on every corner, more locations than common sense – but no social housing complexes with walk-in clinics attached. Could heal more than coughs, fam. Could heal community infrastructure, accessibility, wellness at scale. But the only thing being filled is prescriptions, not homes. Peak missed-synergy energy.
39. Jack Cockwell — $4.8B
Part of the private-equity giants turning cities into investment portfolios, spreadsheets with postal codes. When you treat homes like stocks, you get skyscrapers not neighbourhoods. Man’s whole vibe is financializing land until it screams for mercy. Community input muted, ROI volume maxed. Affordable housing doesn’t hit quarterly targets so it doesn’t exist in the model. Ruthless efficiency meets human misery.
40. Jacques D’Amours — $4.8B
Co-founder of Couche-Tard, stacking wealth off gas-station drip, lottery tickets, and soggy poutine at 2am. Whole empire built on convenience culture – yet somehow housing affordability remains MAXIMUM inconvenient for Canadians just tryna live near where they work. With billions tucked and retail footprints across every province, he could legit pilot mixed-use builds, affordable units over storefronts, subsidized housing near transit – real civic infrastructure that makes sense. Instead the mandem keep seeing more Couche-Tards, more markup on milk, and vibes strictly for shareholders. It’s peak “profit from every corner store in the ends but don’t reinvest in the ends” behaviour. Classic corporate Canada energy – extract value, dodge responsibility, repeat. Mans made a fortune off convenience but can’t be bothered to make life more convenient for anyone else. Absolutely shameless.
ManClean’s be fully sauced up. These billionaires got all the tools, all the bread, all the connections, but ZERO vision for actually helping people live with dignity. Peak hoarding behaviour wrapped in PR and tax breaks. Wasteman Hall of Fame, every single one.