Big cap if anyone out here thinks Pierre’s that guy. Bro looks like he was grown in a peat bog of body spray and taxpayer refunds. How this slimy culture-war op blockhead finessed a whole fanbase of online uncles still baffles the mandem. Bro talkin’ like he’s savin’ the nation when he can’t even save his own seat.

I’m not a doctor, still — this man’s Trudeau obsession? Full stalker vibes, fam. The way he mentions dude’s name, it’s like Trudeau lives rent-free in Stornoway! His “traditional Canadian family” looks like it was designed by AI off a pack of stale Wonder Bread and an ancestry test that just said “KD”

Instead of patternin’ up to fix tings, my guy’s out here pandering to the most pressed corners of da interwebs. Yappin’ ‘bout crime when crime goin’ down, screamin’ ‘bout “merit” when he never merited a thing but an L.

Man loves to chant “freedom” like it’s a bassline but then wants to control who can live their truth. Broski’s definition of liberty got more contradictions than a TTC schedule, fam.

And don’t even get me started on the deportation tings. Poilievre wants to launch man to the moon — unless they’re fam. Then suddenly it’s “we should look at the context.” Bruv, the only context you need is hypocrisy spelled with a big blue C.

Bro’s party talkin’ bout how “Canada’s broken” like they ain’t the ones swingin’ the hammer. If you really thought this was the greatest country on earth, you’d be patternin’ solutions, not just talkin’ reckless on socials like some suburban conspiracy vlogger with a ring light.

Pierre, big man ting — retire. Take your beige energy and dip. Costa Rica lookin’ lovely this time of year. You can chill on the beach, fake Ray-Bans on, marg in hand, fappin to snaps of Trudeau while hummin’ “Freedom!” under your breath. Pure poetry, fam.